The Stages of Life

The year is already two weeks old and I haven't written my first post yet. To be honest, I've tried but I just can't seem to get started. I feel like the first post of the year sets the tone for the rest of it. I started off the year a bit conflicted, unsure of where I am in this particular life I'm living. I'm closing in on my 45th year of life, halfway through the decade I once thought was so far off. My son is starting high school this year, another thing that always seemed so far in the future yet is now creeping up on me faster than ever. My little girl just announced to me today that she's a "pre-teen" (she just turned ten two months ago - help!!)

So I sat staring at the keyboard, fingers hovering, wanting to type yet not knowing where to start. Should I be nostalgic? Hopeful? Conflicted? Should I make a big list of resolutions, goals, promises that I know I probably won't be able to keep up with?

Then Ella and I had this conversation tonight and everything suddenly seemed crystal clear.

Ella: Mom, are you a woman?

Me: What?

Ella: Are you a WOMAN?

Me: Um, I'm not really sure what you mean. What else would I be?

Ella: Well, I don't know. Are you kind of between a woman and a grandma?

Me: WHAT????

Ella: (giggling) You know, being a grandma is what comes after being a woman. It's a stage of life.

Me: Ella, a woman is a woman, whether she's twenty years old or eighty years old. Grandma is just what you call a woman who has grandchildren.

Ella: Oh, ok. I just thought it was one of the stages.

Me: So what do you think are the stages of life?

Ella: Well, first you're a baby, then a toddler, then a child, then a pre-teen, then a teenager, then an adult, then a grandma . . . and then a skeleton!!

Me: A skeleton. Wow.

Ella: (giggling) yeah, a skeleton.

Me: So what are you?

Ella: I'm a pre-teen! (giggle, giggle, giggle)

Me: (sigh)

So according to Ella I'm only two steps away from being a skeleton. Great.

Anyhow, the conversation got me thinking. The adult stage of life is really long, if you're lucky. It has stages of its own which differ depending on the individual. And there's really no such thing as middle age, because no one really knows when they've reached the middle of their life. As long as I stay healthy, both in mind and body, I wouldn't mind living to be ninety. If this is my middle age, I'm going to make the most of it. Mid-life crisis? No such thing.

So how do I want to spend the year in which I turn forty five? I have big goals for this year, I won't lie. But I've found in the past that once I've written them down, they somehow become less important. If I keep them in my head they are constantly evolving, changing, adjusting to the stage in which I find myself. I have no idea what this year will bring. It started off not with a bang but with the realization that life, although wonderful in many ways, is also pretty tough.

So here's to living 2015 not just for myself but for others, including my family, friends, and anyone I happen to run into randomly this year. Here's to achieving a higher understanding of what it means to spend time on this Earth and to appreciate the stage we're in, no matter what that might be.

And no matter what Ella may think, she's still in the child stage to me.