Signs

In the months after my dad passed away from ALS I found myself desperately looking for signs that he was still somehow with us. I wrote about a time that I went for a run around the neighborhood during my kids' piano lessons and as one thing after another went wrong I silently begged for a sign, any sign that he was there. Signs appeared and I cried both sad and happy tears. The emotions were still so raw then. I'm not sure how I even got through that time in my life.

Almost three years have passed since I wrote that post. The rawness has subsided and while I still get hit by sudden waves of sadness and grief, they are much more spread out. It had been awhile since I'd seen or even looked for any signs. I started to wonder if those previous signs had been mere coincidence, a manifestation of my desperation for them.

Then a few months ago, something happened. I arrived at the home of a new patient who proceeded to take me on a grand tour of his home, describing each little nook and cranny in great detail. I humored him since he seemed to be a bit lonely, having just lost his wife about a year earlier. As we made our way through the house, he said he wanted to show me his office. He then sat down at his computer and started tapping away on the keys. I was about to suggest that we move on since the clock was ticking when he suddenly threw up his hands and exclaimed "There! You see? These are all of my investments in the stock market. Look at this!"

I tried to ignore the fact that this man had just opened up his financial account for me to see, complete with his account number and full disclosure of how much he was really worth. I was quite impressed by the dollar signs on the screen and as he went on and on about the stock market and how this was the best way to make money I was suddenly struck by a feeling of deja vu. This was exactly what my dad used to do when I would come over to see him. He would pull up his stock portfolio on the computer screen and excitedly show me the fluctuations of the day and how much money he had made (or lost) within the past 24 hours.

I left the patient's home shaking my head. How weird. But certainly this episode was just a mere coincidence, right?

A few weeks later I arrived at another patient's home, an elderly man I had been seeing for about a month. This man was rather quiet and serious and our sessions were usually pretty straightforward and uneventful. As I entered his home that day I noticed that he was playing some music on a stereo system that I hadn't really paid much attention to before. As he wheeled himself over to the stereo to turn it off (so I thought) I noticed that it had a strong resemblance to the type of system my parents had when I was growing up. As I was pondering this development, he suddenly changed the song and turned the music up full blast - "I'll Never Fall In Love Again" by Tom Jones. Holy cow.

We ended up having a whole conversation about music, the 60's, Tom Jones, Engelbert Humperdinck, the superiority of listening to an actual record as opposed to a CD. Of course he then played "Release Me" by Engelbert at full blast. It was a bit surreal.

I ended up seeing this particular patient for another three months and not once did he ever play any music for me again. I wonder sometimes if I imagined the whole thing.

Then about a month ago I had a bizarre encounter at Giant as I was grocery shopping. I had just entered the store and was heading over to select some avocados when out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of someone that stopped me dead in my tracks: a tall man wearing a long black coat, black jeans and a black hat. From behind he was a dead ringer for my dad.

My heart literally skipped a beat - it was that startling. I began following him around the produce section, still only seeing him from behind. I ended up lurking up and down the aisles until I finally spotted him again, this time selecting eggs with his wife. I nonchalantly took my phone out of my pocket and snapped this photo of him.

When he finally turned around and I saw that he did not resemble my dad in the least, I sighed with relief. I think I would have passed out if he'd had a white beard and blue eyes.

You may scoff at all of this and chalk it up to mere coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. I really believe that we encounter certain people and have certain experiences for a reason. It gives me a little jolt of elation to think that there is another force at work around us. We may not always see it or feel it, but it's there for us to be aware of when the time is right.

My sister had her own crazy brush with signs recently but I feel like that's her story to tell. Perhaps she will be my next guest blogger and I can have her tell her story. It's really pretty amazing.

Tato - I know you're here and thanks for letting us know from time to time.