Just call me "junior"

I had a startling revelation the other day when I went shopping to Kohl's.  It had been YEARS since I had purchased any new bras.  Yes, that's right - BRAS - otherwise known as brassieres, over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders, or as my kids like to refer to them, booby-pads.  Whatever you want to call them - I was in desperate need of some new ones.  (new bras that is, not boobs - although I wouldn't mind having some of those too since mine are practically non-existent. But enough about that . . .)

So I'm wandering around the Kohl's lingerie department, looking at rows upon rows of bras and getting thoroughly discouraged.  First of all, they all seemed ENORMOUS - I don't know if they hang the larger sizes in the front or what, but these things were massive!!  Anytime a style caught my eye I'd come to find that they had none in my puny little size.  Either they sell out quickly because the world is over-run by the flat-chested or they just don't make as many in my size because, well - maybe the world is actually over-run by the well-endowed.

The other discouraging factor was the grandma vibe I was getting from these bras.  They just looked like old lady bras - with tons of coverage, underwires, wide bands that screamed - "Look at me, I'm getting old and saggy!"  Plus they all seemed to be padded with inches upon inches of thick foam.  I felt like I was getting nowhere.

Then I noticed several sections of colorful, fun designs calling out to me.  Oh, I thought - finally, I've found the cute, fashionable bras.  As I started browsing the selection I looked up and saw a huge sign hanging over me that said "Juniors".  Oh, great.  I was shopping in the teenage section.  Suddenly I became very self-conscious and started looking over my shoulder to see if anyone noticed that a 40-year old woman was looking at junior sized bras.  No one seemed to care.  I quickly grabbed a handful of bras and dashed off to the fitting room before anyone could see. 

I was pleasantly surprised by the results. It seems I've been shopping in the wrong sections all these years.  I should have been shopping in the juniors section all along.  But shhhh, don't tell anyone.  I still felt like I was in the wrong place, kind of like the time I accidentally found myself browsing in the plus-size department.  I knew the clothes looked pretty but I just couldn't put my finger on why something didn't feel right until I started reading the sizes. 

The funniest part of the adventure though was the conversation I overheard in the fitting room between two teenage girls who were likely trying on age-appropriate lingerie, unlike myself.  One girl said to the other "Hmm, I don't know, that kind of gives you a camel-toe."  The other girl responded "Huh?  What's a camel-toe?"  The first girl started laughing hysterically and said "Oh, god, I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."  Then they seemed to realize someone else was in the fitting room with them because they started whispering to each other and the second girl burst out laughing and screamed "OHHHHHHH!!!!" followed by uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.  I was thoroughly entertained.

The other nice thing about junior sized bras is they are less expensive!  So it was a win-win all around.  So don't call me ma'am, just call me junior.