Wow. I knew I hadn't written anything in a while, but I just looked back at my last blog post and it was dated June of last year. What the heck happened?
Life happened. That's all I can say. I just finished reading that last post and it made me cry. I was so conflicted with emotions over pretty much every single aspect of my life that I think even though I desperately wanted to continue to write my thoughts down, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
But I'm going to do it now. I have to. Last night my dad visited me in my dream. Since he passed away over five years ago he's visited me a handful of times, but very sporadically - maybe once or twice at the most. Last night he was there along with me, my mom and my sister - the original Legeckis four. We were all laughing and so happy to see each other. My dad had a huge smile on his face. I can still see it, that big, huge, all encompassing smile that just took up his whole face and made you want to laugh with him. I was so excited in my dream because Jack was playing in a hockey game and I couldn't believe that we were all going to get to go see him play together. Then I woke up.
Life is a strange, beautiful, wonderful thing but it can be filled with pain, confusion and fear. If we let those things consume us, we can't move forward. I feel I'm at a crossroads of my life and maybe that's why I haven't written in a while. My kids are getting older and bigger by the day. My teenager is driving. My little girl is inching up in height and before I know it she'll be looking me in the eye. I'm another year closer to fifty which boggles my mind. This year marks the twentieth year of my career as a physical therapist, a career that I swore in my twenties I would do for twenty years and then probably find something else to do. Something else has entered my life and I'm working on it. There's a lot of uncertainly in my life but also a lot of hope and excitement. Wonderful things are coming but in what order and to what degree remains to be seen.
Lately I've been working a lot in a skilled rehab facility which means I've come into contact with many different types of people from all walks of life. In this setting I'm working with people at their most vulnerable level. Most of them are in some type of pain, whether it's physical, emotional or both. Some are hard to work with, other are a joy, and some just break my heart. The human condition is a unique and fragile thing. I'm humbled to be a part of it on every level.
I'm all over the place here and a little rusty at this. It will come back. It has to. I've missed this and I won't stay away this time. Just putting these words down helps. I need this outlet and I'll take better care of it moving forward. Stay tuned!
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