Joy and Pain, Sunshine and Rain

It's been raining for weeks. The days have been dark and dreary, cold and wet. It's hard sometimes to see the light and feel the warmth when the clouds block out the sun.

A family in our neighborhood lost their precious child today after a year long battle with cancer. I've followed this family's journey through online blogs and Facebook, not knowing them very well but having many friends in common and kids on the same swim team. When something like this happens you immediately wonder, what if it happened to our family? What would we do, how would we feel, how would we live our lives through such devastation? It's one thing to lose a parent, that pain I'm familiar with. But we shouldn't outlive our children.

I've spent a lot of time in the past weeks and months really looking at our kids, appreciating them, letting them know that we're proud of them and the people they are becoming. Every parent's wish is to see their children grow and mature and become the person they are meant to be. When I look at my kids I see glimmers of what's ahead and I pray every day that I'll get to see it all come to fruition. As much as I lament the fact that they are growing up and leaving childhood behind, I want to see what's ahead for them and what life has in store.

I'm a big believer in signs. Lately I've been seeing a lot of red cardinals and it seems every time I glance at the clock in the car it's either 11:11 or 1:11. A few weeks ago I spotted a green VW van in the parking lot of the bank with a tall bearded man dressed in black driving it. A week later I saw another camper parked in the city, the Washington Monument looming in the background, a spitting image of the car we had when I was a kid and that my dad spent hours tinkering with when something wasn't working right. All these things make me feel like he's here with me.

This afternoon as I stepped outside the sun was shining brightly for the first time in weeks. A short while later I learned about the boy's passing and realized that the sun had come out right around the time he passed from this world to the next. I couldn't help but think that the light and warmth it radiated was meant for this family in their time of darkness and that perhaps they drew some comfort from it. I believe our angels are with us all the time and sometimes they show us that they're here. It's not always obvious, but if you look hard enough, you'll see.