Today is the annual hoedown at my kids' school. I'm not sure why the hoedown is such a longstanding tradition in a suburban northern Virginia elementary school, but it is. The same guy has been calling the hoedowns for the past fifty years. Kids come to school dressed in bandanas, cowboy hats and boots. They practice for weeks in advance and all the parents show up with their cameras to document the sacred event.
Both kids have been complaining about the hoedown for weeks, but I think Ella's complaints are just mirroring Jack's since she left the house this morning in a plaid shirt and boots after asking me to braid her hair. Jack, on the other hand, started making noises yesterday about the fact that he did not want me at the hoedown.
I laughed it off at first. Come on, I said, I've been to all your hoedowns - why should this one be any different? I promised not to take photos or videos or stare at him for too long. I even swore I'd sit on the opposite side of the gym so that he wouldn't see me. But he was adamant. He did not want me to go.
Later that evening Jack handed me a pile of papers he'd brought home from school. As I flipped through them, I came across this.
Sneaky kid. I have to admire his efforts - the little cartoon of the square dancers was a nice touch. He came to be before bed with a gleeful smile on his face and told me that he'd pulled one over on me. I told him I was still going.
Today I realized that he was trying to tell me something. There was some reason he did not want me there. Maybe it's because he's embarrassed for me to see him dancing with a girl. Maybe he likes the girl he's dancing with and he doesn't want me to figure it out. Maybe he's worried that his friends will think it's funny that I'm there. Who knows - the point is, he did not want me to go.
The hoedown starts in five minutes, but I won't be there. I sent him off to school this morning pleading with me not to come. I told him I hadn't decided yet. I was so conflicted that I posted the question on Facebook - what would YOU do?
A friend with a teenage son set me straight. Her response was "Growing up is hard . . . on US! But at least he'll know he can still make requests of you, keep communication open, and not shut down on you."
I decided she was right. I realized that if I showed up I'd be letting him down. We all know our own kids best and this approach may not work for other parents and their kids. But I think I made the right choice.
So instead of going to his hoedown I'm watching videos of Jack square dancing in his younger days and looking forward to Ella's hoedown this afternoon. I will video and photograph the heck out of Ella's performance and remind myself that these days are short-lived. I might even give her a big hug in front her her friends since I still can.
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